RIP Toaster. 2012-2013. Your candy red finish belied your no-nonsense approach to breakfast preparation. You had only two settings – warm and char – though for some reason your manufacturers chose to represent these options as a continuous dial. Some of your features will always remain a mystery, such as the defrost button and the pop-up ‘warming rack’. We will long remember how you would spark when we hit the cancel button (often because something was on fire), but you had the good will not to burn our apartment down and for this we are forever grateful. The smoke detectors will miss the attention you provided them. Unfortunately you were not with us for long, though coincidently just long enough to surpass your one year warranty. The Toaster is survived by its K-mart brethren: The Kettle who’s joins rusted, The Peddle Bin that falls over if you use the peddle and The Car Windscreen Shade which is actually quite good.

Also, does anyone know where to buy a decent toaster?