Important message about bullying:

Think back to when you were in primary school. Where the bigger kids could pick on you, push you around and take your stuff. Well guess what. You’re an adult now and that means you have more power. You are also bigger than every primary school kid, so you can take anything you want. Like this fancy bracelet. (Nice, right?)




My most prized posession

I thought I had lost this newspaper clipping, I’d been looking since moving house – but it finally turned up, stuck between some post cards. I love it so much! (It must be 16 years old now)

Apparently there was some kind of competition, sponsored by a local business, which asked children to send in their illustrations.

There is just so much going on here. The longer you look the better and more bizarre it gets. Why is a knight sword fighting with a slice of melon? Is the melon huge or is the knight tiny? Are those stab wounds or seeds? What sinister object or event does the partial triangle behind them signify? Is it a spotlight? An alien abduction? A larger piece of melon waiting for its moment to strike?

But my favourite element, the piece that makes this work truly transcendental, is the disclaimer at the bottom. “Opinions expressed in this newspaper are not necessarily those of the competition sponsors.”

The Newcastle Permanent Building Society does not condone the fighting of melons.

Lisa Williams, you are my hero.