When Ireland split into North and South, do you know why the South was sooooo much bigger?
It kept Dublin.
Category Archives: Writing
Train of Thought
Trains are better than buses
Buses aren’t better than trains
If you still think buses are better
Try waiting when it rains.
You don’t get stuck in traffic
When you’re on a train, it’s true
Unless you’re at a level crossing
Then the traffic gets stuck on you.
So they’re replacing level crossings
So its safer for cars and trains
Which is why I’m catching buses
And complaining when it rains.
Heuristic Bar Joke
A teacher, a trainer and a facilitator walk into a bar.
The first says: “Do you realise that we each have different theoretical underpinnings which denote separate pedagogical practices?”
The second says: “But rather than being descriptive, our titles are industry based and continually re-defined and re-applied.”
The third says: “What actually happens, day to day while we undertake our work, depends on our individual characteristics far more than the label on our contracts.”
At this point the bartender turned around and said: “That’s very interesting. Which one of you just said that?”
But nobody knew.
Broad Spectrum
I’d been worried about my friend’s mood swings, always up and down.
One day I finally asked him if he had bi-polar disorder.
He said he did not. He’d already been to see a doctor. Turns out he was just on the spectrum.
Both ends of it.
Implement impliment
I keep spelling the word ‘implement’ wrong.
Seems I need to implement an ‘implement’ implementation plan.
Well Weathered
The blazing sun
Of summer fame
A gust of wind
A hurricane
It’s probably going to rain again
Melbourne weather’s like that.
A Serious Conversation
”It’s not that I disagree with the general policy per se, it’s just the way the government attempted to downplay the implications of a fully fledged privatisation, you know? The way it was implemented.” David sipped his beer.
“Nah, I know what you mean. I went to the beach on the weekend and the sea level was up at least, like, a meter higher than when I was there with Sarah and the kids at the same time last year.”
“I don’t think you do know what I mean.”
“Sure, I hear you.” Greg tipped his half-empty tea cup in David’s direction, nodded solemnly, and drank on.
“Well, what do you think? Should we have a say in how our values are rationalised?” David had left his beer on the wooden side table to allow him to lean closer and furrow his brow in a very serious manner, a particular demeanour a beer bottle tends to interrupt. “Shouldn’t we have input into the workings of the Polis?”
Greg stared at the paint-peeling on the ceiling and frowned.
“Shouldn’t we have control over the hours of our lives, converted to dollars in the public coffers, collected as tax?”
Greg stood up and paced the floor.
“Why should those born into wealth and privilege line their pockets while we sit, filthy and robust, at the peak of our lives, wallowing in self-pity and contempt for our fellow man!?”
Greg grabbed a broomstick, which had been propped up against the side wall, and belted its pointy end against the ceiling.
Outside, a flock of black flashes exploded from the rooftop and disappeared into he night.
“Bloody Ninjas.” Greg grumbled.
“They are a nuisance.” David resumed his beer.
Demon
It crept up on me, like some ungodly web-crazed tangle of black leginess, tumbling toward it’s own terrifying self-satisfied destruction, tearing at foe and family, burning with violent intent, it flew and paced and waited and goaded and exploded upon me. A fear, frigid and intense, like lightning slowed to a gasp, irrational, illogical, impossible and permanent and scarring, towering above me and opening far below, a chasm of being, awash without mercy, aghast at my own petty insignificance, a spec of raw emotion in a whirling chaos of nihility. Anger, fear, love, contempt, all indistinct and incomplete. Ambition, thwarted soon as thought of. Annihilation, impulsive life denied of. A tower of indeterminate control. Power without form. A raw compst heap. A blip. Fear itself. Awful. Artifice. Imposition. Fear. Itself. What else?
