I’ve been considering a future in film making. I’m not sure I have what it takes for high functioning auterism. I’m certainly on the spectrum though.
Tired of 2 dimensional films?
Bored with 3 dimensions?
You’ve even tried making the images move by adding time and you can’t seem to break the banality of it all?
Well lament no more… Coming to a cinema near you* –
Critics are calling it: “Unreal”.
“I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.”
“That extra dimension really pulled me in.”
“I’d ride the penteract again.”
*actual proximity to cinema will vary depending on your position in space and time. Depending on your adopted theory of a fifth dimension, your state on this plane could be mathematically valid but will have no bearing on your ability to locate the virtual rollercoaster.
So, there was a remake of a film on TV called ‘The Stepfather’ about a guy that moves in with a family, then murders them all before moving on. It looked pretty bad. But it made me wonder, what else would make good titles for serial killer movies?
The Orthodontist – “I’m sorry, those teeth have to come out”
The Optometrist – “The last thing you’ll ever see”
The Podiatrist – “Umm… something to do with feet?”
The Checkout Chick – “Time for you to check out / Clean up, aisle 9”
The IT guy – “He’ll try switching you off and on again” (some kind of cyborg, slasher thing)
The Forensic Scientist – “Oh wait, that’s Dexter. Much better title”
The Architect – “Devil in the detail / Your demise was predetermined / Bespoke Destruction”
The Baker – “Early to rise” (undead thriller?)
The Butcher – “… I’ve got nothing.”
The Candlestick Maker – “Jack be nimble, Jack be quick / You’re Snuffed”
The Motoring Enthusiast – “Yay, I’m a senator!” (An Australian horror story)
The Comedian – “He’ll have the last laugh”
The Locksmith – “You think you’re safe?”
The Philosopher – “I think, therefore you’re not”